All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
