maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
