i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
