I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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