I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
