I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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