grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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