i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
