8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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