Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
