im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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