She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
