Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
