he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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