Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
