I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
