Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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