Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
