Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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