he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dignity is for republicans.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
