he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
