It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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