pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
