I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
