Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
