"it" just moved
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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