I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
