Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
