i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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