she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
