oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
