WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
