I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
