Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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