I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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