Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Send help, water and tortillas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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