You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
