Are we in a gay sports bar?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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