I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
