I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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