I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
