'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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