i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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