I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
