I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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