ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
