idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
