I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
