Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
