At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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